What I really believe in life is
that everything is connected. Why we born at midnight, why we be friend with
the tallest kid at elementary, why we get that specific job..its doesn’t stand
alone, it stand to make one fine scenario of our life.
For so many years, To be exact
for twenty four years, I was confused about everything that happen in my life.
Why I have to learn living alone when I was 6th grade, why my parents
always ask me to be the best at school, why I have to give up my dream to be a teacher,
why I met my friends, why I went to STAN and struggle in some subject there, why
I have to experience those painful break up(s), why I finally placed to work in
Sukabumi. Now, some dots finally make sense, I finally could see the connection
between them.
***
Its February 14th 2010. On
the so called Valentine’s day my college held a Heritage Expo. It’s the first huge
event that I attend in my college. It shows the beautiful diversity of
Indonesia from traditional clothes, food, ornament, music and so on. They even
held some cultural pageant which some of my friend competing in it.
And on that very moment, I met
him.
At first I didn’t see him when I
searched the pageant from Yogyakarta to took a picture with. My friend, Adi
Surya, pointing me to him. Ah, he was stand out wearing those traditional
clothes. Its green, I remember. I also remember how his friend gather around
when me and Titik posing for camera.
Right after we left I said to
Titik “Tik, he is so handsome!” and
we laughed like a teenager seeing a handsome senior. It was just like that. I didn’t know his name, his grade, or anything
accept he comes from Yogyakarta. But deep down, I secretly wish I could see him
sometimes soon.
*
But then, some wishes don’t
come true. I rarely saw him on my college day. Well maybe three or four times I
forget. I only remember I saw him on my friends dorm..waiting for his crying
girlfriend and on his girlfriend graduation day. (Yes, I kinda know her :/ ). By
time, I know his name and his grade, and everytime i accidentally saw him, it was
nothing more than just ‘Oh that handsome senior !’.
One day, I heard a news that he
was placed to work at Sukabumi, my hometown. It was like ‘Really? What is he
doing here?’ and some days later his girlfriend text me asking where to buy
some furniture in Sukabumi. When I ask my mom about that she said “Poor him, placed so far from home. If he
needed something you gotta help him”
But it turn out that he was the
one who help me. On my fourth semester, I got a final task that need a Potential Tax Source from my hometown. So I
ask his number to his girlfriend (Yes, as the time goes by we knew each other)
and went to his office. “Im at cafeteria”
He told me on phone as I said I was already there. As im walking, somehow I felt
like under-dressed, I was even using my mother’s sandal. And there
he was..still handsome, dress formally. Eating his fried rice and staring so
cold at me. It was nothing like him I saw before. But he helped me having all
the data I needed til I get the straight A.
*
Life goes on. I graduated. I broke up. I met
someone new.
Then finally the paper that made
me did the on job training at KPP Pratama Sukabumi, his office, was arrived. And it was right when I have to
start my quarantine for Mojang Jajaka Jawa Barat. I was so panicked cause the
letter sent at 3 PM while at 4 PM I need to go to Bandung. So I rushed in to
met the head office for a permission. And on my way there, I saw him working.
In my head its like another 'Oh that handsome senior !'
Then I remember the first day
working, a newcomers tried to blend in. The people are so nice, I make friend a
lot. But with him…I barely see him since he was so busy. Cafe and sport time
probably the only time I believe he was really working there.
*
You know life sometimes so funny
and we are the jokes. You plan something, you know the step, you’re careful, but
somehow in the middle of it..you slipped. And on your knee you know, you cant
stand it anymore.
That’s what happen with my
relationship before. It didn’t work out the way its planned. Sad? Don’t even
dare to ask me that, I was just lose a life I tried to have.
And that’s when the jokes strike me
again. But this one, the jokes gets me entertained. Who would imagine that on
my very worst moment, I get to know someone who set me free from the fear I’m
carrying from the past?
He asked my number and we start
chatting from once a day til once a minute. From chatting online until chatting
directly. From ‘have you get lunch?’ until “lets have a dinner tonight’.
There’s something about me and him that addicted both of us. And we all got no
clue about what it is until
that promotion day.
Just
after we’re back from our lunch he was called
to head office room and the secretary told me,
“Cha, Ardy got promoted to be an
auditor”
Wow. Cool.
“…in Cianjur”.
What?? Of all a sudden, surrounding me is like
fading, buzzing sound.
“I think I gonna used a bathroom” I grab some tissue
and went out.
Its so drama-like, but really..I just wanted to cry. A lot. I cant keep it inside. So
instead walked to bathroom, I walked to Mc Donald. Bought Strawberry Sunday, went to the corner, picked the most quite spot, cried there and hopedno one would
see.
On that very moment I know how to
describe what Im feeling toward him.
Im in love.
Then
he came. My phone was already turned off but he found me and stay there with me
until the work time was over.
That changes everything in us, I really cant hold on to ‘just friend’
especially on that midnight when he said ‘I
love you”.
And it was just like that...All this time Im searching for
someone who could make me fall, completely fall. Someone who makes me brave to
love again. Someone I could put respect to. Someone I could trust. Someone that understand me,
my dream, my point of view
and don’t judge it. Someone i know i could love and love me back. Someone whom I want
to stay with and willing to stay too. Someone whom I deserve and deserve me. I found it all
in him.
So, saying “i love
you too” never felt that easy.
We start dating, getting to
know each other more. Everything runs so smooth, less drama, even after
we’re going on not-so-long distance relationship.
You know, i once had a rollercoster kinda relationship.
Its either go really high or really low, so tiring yet you know it wont go
anywhere. I also had a slow-ride kinda relationship which is so peaceful but
brings me no fire. With him, its like a perfect blend of that two, i feel
complete.
*
It’s a perks of dating an office
mate. Though he already moved but everyone in my office know him so sometimse
they want to know so much and tease me a lot. That ultimate question “When will the two of you get married?” I
really cant escape that. No clue to answer but still questioned a lot.
Until one day, He sent me this.
So guys, if you ask me how he purposes..thats
how. No flowers, no ring, no kneeling, just a screen captured text and chats on
whatsapp. Goodbye teenagers dream ! hiks :’(
Hahahahahahaha :D
Mama called me at night and
talked to me about that seriously. Its so surprising since I just met her once
yet she’s so sure of having me as her daughter-in-law. Its..overwhelmed.
Ah, I remember when I went home, hugging
Mom and saying “Mbu, His family will come
here to purpose me”. We both crying that day. Not that we’re not happy
about that, its just..both feeling mixed in emotion. Between happy and
surprised that this day are finally come.
*
You know, registering your self
in STAN means that you registering your life into uncertainty. Everything so
unscheduled, your life will be full of surprise. Sometimes in good way and
sometimes not.
Just before the engagement day
came, I was called for military orientation in Bogor for 10 days. Ten tiring
days, physically and mentally. Got typhus and trained by Kopassus days and nights are
seems impossible but well, i made it. I guess it had something to do with
meeting a lot of good friends.
Its was so nostalgic. We’re reunited from all over
Indonesia after two years separated. Somehow i felt like brought back to old
time. Like those two years are not exist. I felt younger, i forgot about works
and any confusing about that, i was feeling..old time.
Ten memorable days closed with a genuine ending. Its the
time to say ‘See you soon’ to some, and ‘Goodbye’ to another. And as we know for
sure, there’s no good in goodbye, even if we can see each other again, it surely wont
be the same.
And under the layer of tears and sadness, i was relieve
that i can differentiate that.
*
The engagement days held on December, 26th 2014. Some
said it was so fast that we step into this before a year dating but since both
parents already gave their blessing and we had no urge to delay it..we’re agree
taking a step closer to marriage.
A day before, I asked him why he wants to marry me.
To be honest, i was nervous about the engagement. Then he hold my hand and
tpld me honestly what he feels, what he believes, what he want us to be. I
was just bursting in tears, knowing someone sincerely love me, wanting to
protect me and making this bond last for a lifetime. He probably didn't say it a
lot or promised me things, but he showed me..though his gesture, his act. And it worth more than flowers or rings.
Deep down i know, i really found the right one.
As what happen to our relationship, the engagement run so
smooth though it was the first time for the two family meet each other. On
that day, its decided that the wedding and ngunduh mantu will be held before
Ramadhan comes. With four months left, that confusing wedding preparation officially
started. (Any details about the preparation will be told on separated post)
*
Ever heard about the lots of problem that the bride or groom often faced
before the wedding day? I faced that so much. From finding a perfect vendor,
choosing a venue, organizing things..its so tiring though we did that together.
I even dropped and went to bed rest several times until my family asked me to
used a wedding organizer. Its not stopping there...the work stuff going crazy,
someone broke my car, skin problem, family drama, until the tough one...i was
called for a month training with an ex as a classmate.
For sure Im saying this..marriage is huge thing. Even
universe want to test you whether you’re ready or not. But if you patient, help will come in a way you cant imagine. And now Im proudly say that Im over it. I pass the test with blood, tears and sweat.
Now, Im married.
Happily married.
With someone i love the most.
Our wedding procession from Siraman, Akad Nikah, Wedding
Party and Ngunduh mantu were all done and its beautiful. I really dont think i
could make it if its not with him. He’s just.....perfect, for me. Now that
we’re married, i feel like i know him more than ever. Love him more than ever.
***
Talking back about the connecting dot. Once when the dots
brings me down to the ground, i told my friend Rizka, “Ka...im afraid that i can love no more. Im afraid that when i get
married, i wont be able to love my husband the way i want it to be. Cause this
heart seems not going to heal”
I was blind to see where the dots taking me, i didn't believe that
everything happen for a reason and seeing that as punishment. It takes me
sometimes until i realized..God loves me.
So i learn living with fully trust to God and listen to
my own heart. I start to not thinking about fear, taking risk and leave everything that out of my control to God. And guess what? It takes me here. To a Sunday evening where my
husband playing games in front of me and letting me writing this since morning.
The dots...taking me to the home Im searching, to the
person i love.
How amazing God plans my life. Who would’ve though that
on the first event i attend in collage...i met someone who's going to be my husband?
P.S. To my beloved husband, Mas Ardy. You're going to find a lot of your name here cause well...
Our story just started.
