Masih belum mood untuk ngelanjutin postingan tentang Lombok. Ga apa-apa lah ya? Daripada ngasal nulisnya. 

11 Januari... i bet almost everyone will remember Gigi's song today. A beautiful song, indeed. I love it my self. If im not mistaken, he made it for his wife. Isn't sweet? Ah no wonder there's so many people choose today as their wedding day, my friend is one of them. Anyway, Congratulation Jawad! 

Well...11 Januari ku hari ini sebenernya mau ke Jakarta. Udah sampe stasiun, udah mau naik kereta banget pas Mpah telpon. Ngabarin kalau Uwa (kakanya ayahku) kritis di RS. Like always, shocking news blank me out. Jalan ke RS dan disuguhi pemandangan yang.....i dont know how to say it. Diem disana beberapa menit sebelum akhirnya Mpah keluar dari IGD bilang "Uwa meninggal.." 

Rasanya kaget. 

Uwa tadi pagi masih dirumah ngobrol-ngobrol sama kami. Ternyata pas aku pergi beliau pingsan terus ngorok, yang menurut dokter itu sebenarnya serangan jantung hebat. 

Dua hal yang kerasa sangat.....heart breaking hari ini. Pertama, waktu keluarga Uwa datang ke RS dan tau kalau Uwa udah meninggal. Its just...sad. Uwa yang tadi pagi berangkat dari rumah masih sehat, tiba-tiba mereka temuin di RS dalam keadaan yang sudah ngga ada. I just stood there hugging Sani, wishing her a very big and strong heart to somehow get through this.

Kedua, when i saw my Dad crying. I just never seen him that sad before. Dan rasanya sakit...banget. Mpah selalu jadi yang paling tegar di keluarga, i mean...bukan berarti dia ngga pernah sedih. Sedih, tapi ngga sampai begini.

Aaah, belakangan ini kerasa....bertubi-tubi. Allah kayanya lagi sayang banget sama aku. Semoga aku lulus ujian naik levelnya ya Ya Allah. Amin.

Ga tau sebenernya kenapa harus nulis ini. Cuma pengen nulis aja. Numpahin apa sih ini di kepala kok berat banget. I know im gonna be okay, sooner or later things will be fine again. Its just....right now i feel...like a mess. Banyak hal yang belum keliatan akan seperti apa and i made it worst by thinking the most painful scene that could be happen. 

On my last post i said "right now i choose to be happy and im going to live it all day !"  Belom sampe kayanya ilmunya hehehe Ga apa-apa lah ya...at least im trying. I guess even a happy person feel sad too once in a while. 

So, mau aku puas-puasin sedihnya sekarang, besok-besok Insya Allah udah bisa senyum pake hati lagi. Its a must since someone said "Cheer Up ! Because.. Raisha = Smile". 

Mohon doanya ya...untuk aku dan terutama untuk Uwa yang aku yakin in a better place right now.

Amiiiin.

Before babling around, i want you to know that my need-to-blog list is getting more and more everyday. Feels like i want to share all my life with you BUT... this recent event makes me reconsidered it. So i'll deleted some of it for the sake of my happiness.

So what's there to tell?

2013 was already over and i thank God that i did well. Some of my life planning fulfilled in 2013. Teaching, learning violin, going to Malang, competing in Mojang Jajaka are things i could mention here. 2013 also teach me something which i hope...i could never forget. I learn how to take care my own self, i learn how to trust my capability and to stand on what i believe.

I was hurt before.. and all i wanted was a savior or a warm blanket or a safety box. Im afraid to listen to my own heart. I live day by day by the thing people hope me to be. Its not a bad thing i know, but somehow....i feel thristy. Inside out. 

So in the end of this year i finally did what my heart wanted. Though in some point people will think of me as a mean or a crazy girl. Deep down i feel happy. I gain my bravery, im out from the box that haunt me, Im free. 

I know, using our heart means that there's a risk that we will get hurt. But i take it anyway. Im already came in point where i dont really mind it. My heart will die if dont used it. So i let it live... happy and sad, i let it feel.

So, i welcome you 2014. Really welcome you. Im so ready for a brand new start.

There's so many thing i wanna do in this year. And Hopefully, everything goes well. (Amin !)

These are my hopes for 2014 : i hope i could be and do better than the previous me. I hope i could fall in love and be loved by the same person. I hope i could mantain a relationship. I hope i could take care of my family and get in touch with my friends. I hope i'll work here at Sukabumi or somewhere near home. I hope i could learn more recipes. I hope i could loss weight and be healthier. And so much for a brand new Raisha, a girl who know what she want and work for it.

I dont know why but i feel so positive lately. Like all my problem doesn't really bother me. If...i could guess, perhaps thats what happen when you live of what you choose and becuase..i finally find my peace in salat. Even being 22 and single dont worries me. 

Last, i want to quote what John Lennon said..

"In the end, the love you get is equal to the love you give" perhaps not from the same person you give love. Maybe from someone else. Or maybe...from Him.

Choose things wisely and live it wholeheartly. 

Right now i choose to be happy and im going to live it all day !